would you ever know how it feels to be in a strange place and all you depend your existence in are your friends you just met a year ago and a lover you had also a year ago and you wish to have 'til the nth year.?

would you ever know how it feels that most of the friends you have are against your almost perfect relationship for the fact that you are both girls.?

i truly understand coz that's how i felt about my friends before who would be in such a situation..

but i never knew that that thing i despised before would be the thing i'd willingly die for now..

it feels bad..real bad..

Labels: emoteRAnt

Matagal na rin pala akong hindi nag-b-blog..for some reasons..
bakasyon at walang net sa bahay

ipinagdadamot ni mama si Syg

busy-busyhan sa pagbabasa ng kung anu-ano

na-dry up ang artistic juices for blogging..haha.!

- - -

Ang dami ko palang hindi naiblog..

Yung rollercoaster burpdei ng Niawniaw ko..

Yung pamatay na enrolment sa Ateneo..

Yung nakakapagod ngunit nakakafulfill na ORSEM’09..

Yung first day of class bilang isang irregular 2nd year student..

At yung bago naming anak na si Carlisle..

- - -

Yea..may anak nanaman kami..bwahaha.!

Eldest kasi diba si Flaflop Pikopiko Syg “Syg” [laptop] – December 20 si Kate ang nagpangalan from the word SISIG -- kinahiligang kainin ng mga taga-PILLARS sa Molino..

Second si “Stripe” [may cancer na bading na teddy] – December 28.. gift siya sakin ni Nakita nung December na nagkita kami sa Megamall.. it’s name was from our lesson in NSTP “Hope for the Flowers”, yung protagonist dun na caterpillar Stripe ang name..

Third si Crickette “Cricky” [mini pusa na heart-shaped ang nose] – February 14 obviously eh gift ko sa kanya nung Labentayms..si Cricky ang “ring bearer” namin nun..haha.! yung name eh dati nya nang name na nakasulat sa tag when bought..

Ngaun naman si “Carlisle” [ang DSLR Canon 1000D namin for our Photography class] – June 7 siya ang latest..hihi.. kinuha ni Niawniaw kay Dr. Carlisle Cullen ng Twilight yung name kasi ma-appeal daw yun sa movie kaya bagay daw dun sa cam..toinx.! medyo ayaw ko nga kaso wala naman akong maisip..haha.!

- - -

Yan tuloy bigla akong napakwento tungkol sa mga “anak” namin..

siguro dahil na rin 'to sa pantasyang we'll marry each other someday and we'll have a real happy family..hai..

pangarap ka na lang ba.?

pangarap nga..N-A-G-I-E = T-A-N-G-A..

i'll just have to be hopeful na magiging "supermegaeverbestfriendsforever" kami in the near future..
we're both positive about it so it'll happen..

IT WILL HAPPEN..

if not

WE'LL MAKE IT HAPPEN..[* evil expression..wir skiri wen wir tugidir..wihihi..hihihi..]

- - -

sa totoo lang kasi eh napapadalas nanaman ang mga away namin…

I’m really scared about what’s happening..
nakakapraning kaya..yung tipong kada magbabangayan kayo eh feeling mo sawang-sawa na siya sa mga arte mo tapos walang-wala kang magagawa kapag bumigay na siya at iniwan ka dahil sa tuluyan na siyang sumuko sa mga katangahan mo..hai..

ewan ko nanaman tuloy..yan na lang ang tanging nasasabi ko kapag di ko na talaga alam kung ano ang dapat gawin sa kanya..sa sarili ko at sa sitwasyon..ewan ko..
tipong bahala na si Batman..bahala na rin ang kung sino pa man diyan kasi parang pakiramdam ko eh incapacitated na akong gumawa pa ng move kasi feeling ko kapag tumira nanaman ako eh palpak lang naman..nakakatanga..

pero..hindi ko maunawaan ang sarili ko dahil sa patuloy pa ring humihigpit ang hawak ko sa kawalan..

ayon nga sa saying na nabasa ko..
“there is no greater love than the love that holds on where there is nothing left to hold on to..”

Nakakapagod man kumapit sa wala eh alam mo namang may sasalo sayo sa pagbagsak mo, kaya siguro masaya pa rin at nagpapatuloy..

May papupuntahan din ang lahat ng ‘to..[emow]

pakxet.! sabi ng MERON eh.! rawr.!

Labels: emoteRAnt, nakita k0

This is a salad-bowl-day for me…
Mixed emotions..mixed happenings..mixed people..
--
My day started at around 5:30 am, me, getting ready to go to Naxcz’s apartment to prepare breakfast for ourselves before going to the swimming Jill and El planned.

I got there by about 6:55am..25mins. late..tsk.tsk.tsk..and found her mixing something on the table while Ate Chai sat on the floor while texting not even caring about my arrival..

I helped her through moral support while she was preparing, because I had no idea that she was making pancakes for our breakfast..[naisahan nanaman ako.!] sabi ko kasi ako magluluto ng corned beef..niawr..

Ewan ko lang but I felt real contented while I was there cooking with her..

Nagluto pa rin nga ako ng corned beef pero for lunch na lang..

My very first time to cook for her..corned beef..at nakalimutan ko pang lagyan ng asin..rawr.! stupid me talaga..hai..

The pancake was great and my corned beef sucks without salt..kahit sa luto you’ll see the difference between us..haha..

--

The whole time na binabagyo naming yung kusina nila eh Ate Chai was doing her own thing while making fun of her while she was cooking..After a while eh umalis na rin siya for their family outing, but before that eh sabi niya, “Bye Ssang…bye Nagj..”
waho0.! Good mood si Ate Chai dahil for the first time eh binanggit niya ang pangalan ko at naramdaman ko rin naming sincere yung smile niya sa mga panahong yun..

Kasi naman ilang buwan na akong n’t’terrify sa mga titig niya kapag nagkikita kami eh, yung tipong gusto niya akong balatan ng buhay..hihi..

Pero kanina, at least for a while eh I felt comfortable in front of her..[may improvement..whew.!

--

After everything, kinain na namin yung pamatay na pancake..at hinintay si El at nagdecide na magdecide na kung tutuloy pa ba sa swimming na mukhang lima lang naman kaming sasama..hai..

--

Pagkatapos pagplanuhan na pumunta na lang sa SM eh nauwi pa rin kami sa awa namin kay Jill at Marc na mukhang ito lang ang pagkakataong magkita..haha.! tuloy na tuloy na nga ang swimming ng CC11..[sawakas..]

--

Mga ilang minuto pa eh andun na kami sa Spring Valley na 100 na ang entrance fee na dati nung sa ThePillars PEP eh 75 lang..new management daw kasi..sabi ko dapat new pool din..

Ang tanging improvement lang na nakita ko eh lahat ng pool eh may tubig na, may labels na lahat ng bagay pati ang dog house at ang asong si Jordan, nabawasan rin ang katakot-takot na damo at lumot sa paligid..yun..100 na..

--

Si Jill, Marc, El, at kaming dalawang pusa ang tanging survivors ng CC11..
May ni’invite din si Marc..si Ekoi at Ben..mga DIA..

Para naman..
Jill + Marc
Niawniaw + Mingming
Ben + El + Ekoi
Wahaha.!

Ayoko na ituloy..tinatamad na’ko..hihi..
To be continued na lang ata kapag may time ulit..

--

I’m missin her again..

--

“I’ll be back..”
the only thing I can assure her whenever we need to be away from each other..
the only thing I can swear to myself to make it easier for me to be away from her..

The moment I let go of her embrace..damn it..i miss her already..

--

Time to get going, a big day coming!

Siyeeht.!

Wala lang..

Ngayon ko lang narealize na ang hirap pala talaga mag-isip..

Mamamatay na’ko..hmpf..heeeeelllpp.! the 16th is coming..niawr..

Labels: nakita k0, RANTics RANTology

Saturday, April 25, 2009 to Monday,May 4,2009


You may be another sad note in my piece yet my song won’t be more complete without you..

Whew! [sigh]
I just got home from the biggest wedding of the year..haha!

Our friend and sister at Church Ate April got married today to our Head Catechist Joel..

Ngayon lang ako naka-appreciate at naiinggit sa isang wedding kasi ngayon lang ako nasali sa preparations and everything in between..enjoy kaso nakakapagod most specially in dealing with the caterers and designing the reception area..

Parang ayoko na nga magpakasal in the future kasi nakakastress pala..
I’ll just tell my groom na, “Magbarkada na lang kasi tayo! Hindi pa magastos..”char.! haha.!

Actually, I was really envious about Ate April’s contentment and happiness at that moment, that’s all..

Well, I don’t have any plans to get married yet, haha.! Wala pa ngang groom eh! Haha.!

Will there ever be someone daring enough to spend the rest of His human existence with me?!

Think twice people..you call that thing S-U-I-C-I-D-E..wahaha.!

Actually I just miss someone so much that’s why I’m trying to divert my attention through making fun of everything..niawr..

[11 days gap before nadugtungan ang draft]

May 4, 2009

Asar..lagi na lang kami nag-aaway this past few days..

Kahit sa text eh hindi namin pinapalampas inisin ang isa’t-isa...hai..

Alam ko madrama, maarte, demanding at selosa akong nilalang, I actually agree dun sa nag-comment sa blog nya na ‘arte naman nyan ni nagj’..pero I thought isa siya sa mga taong lampas impyerno ang pasensya pagdating sa mga kabanuan ko sa buhay..

nabibilang lang kasi sa dalawa kong kamay yung mga taong yun, I just thought she’ll survive..
but I guess I was wrong kasi kung dati eh hindi niya naman pinapatulan ang mga ‘kaartehan at kadramahan’ ko eh ngayon parang napuputol agad yung ‘pisi ng pagpapasensya’ niya sa umpisa pa lang ng pag-uusap/pagdidiskusyon namin..

well, I can never demand for consistency kasi as much as it hurts to admit eh alam ko naman from the start eh mawawalan at mawawalan siya ng pasensya sa isang tulad ko kapag hindi na kami mag-asawa..

kaso masakit lang talaga tanggapin ang katotohanan kasi nga diba TRUTH HURTS..[in-English lang ah..toinx!]

ewan ko lang..siguro yung fact na kaya niya nang gawin sakin yun at ako naman eh takot na takot gawin yun sa kanya kasi takot akong mawala siya..alam ko inuubos ko ang pasensya niya pero hindi ko alam na nauubos pala talaga yun..

pasensya na sa mga nakakabasa.,tanga lang kasi talaga ‘tong nag’type nito..isang tangang kailangan ng makikinig or at least may magbabasa ng hinanaing sa life [if ever meron mang tao diyan na walang magawa sa buhay o na’curious lang]..

I can’t take the distance..NAGA-LIGAO..buti kung nalalakad lang o pwede ring tricycle o jeep..kaso hindi eh..2hrs. sa bus..hai natu..nakakabaliw na ngang mag-isip tapos mag-aaway pa..kamusta naman yun?

Napaka-effective na paraan para i-bridge yung distance diba..

Parang nagtayo ng tulay to connect the gap between two islands pero hindi naman pinakinabangan kasi after itayo nung tulay eh biglang nagka-Earthquake na naging dahilan ng pagdrift nung dalawang islands farther away from each other..so which means nasira agad yung tulay diba?

Nag-agree ka? Kung oo, nag-agree ka sa logic ng isang takas sa mental..Kung hindi, pasensya na, hindi pwedeng hindi, dun ka na lang sa blog mo at magtype ng kung anu-ano tulad nito..

Labels: nakita k0, RANTics RANTology

“Sometimes its better be lost anywhere in this world where you can ask for directions back, than to be lost inside yourself where redemption lies in your hands alone..”

A simple text message I got from a classmate last semester..

A simple text that made a lot of sense to me now not because of its simple logic but because it defined how I live right now..

It won’t be anything new to me if I got lost in a mall, a market, a big school, a crowd or something..

I remember when I was about 5yrs.young, I was with my parents and sisters in a department store at the mall then I got lost in the beam of clothes that hung parallel to each other in long lines..i struggled to run to the end of the racks as fast as I could coz I was a bit afraid, then searched for them in each column..i successfully found them and acted as if nothing happened, as if I didn’t get lost..

I’ve been lost in so many places before and found my way back to the right place, that’s why now I find myself rarely lost because if ever I am I don’t consider myself to be because I know I can ask for anybody to find my way back to the place I’m looking for.

Other people believes that I have a keen sense for directions..street smart they say
It won’t be hard for me to go to some unknown place knowing just the name and the directions to get there..i may be a little lost but I’ll still find my way easily..

Sana ganun din kadali hanapin yung daan pabalik sa sarili mo diba..

Sana may makasagot din sayo ng tama kapag nagtanong ka ng direksyon..

At sana ganun rin kadali sundan yung direksyon na ibibigay nila..

Baka sa pagkalula eh lalo lang akong mawala..

Kaya kong mawala kahit saan kahit walang pera I’ll survive ..pero ang mawala sa sarili [mabaliw.? Haha.!] I mean mawala yung sinasabi nilang “ikaw” at yung sinasabi mo sa sarili mo na “ako”..ewan ko lang..

Ang hirap makabalik or ibalik..kahit minsan alam mo yung tamang daan eh ayaw mong sundan kasi naghahanap ka lagi ng sinasabi nilang “bago”, “adventure”, o dun ka lang talaga nag-eenjoy sa mali..nalunod na..[blop.blop.blop]

Well, in the long run eh hindi mo na rin naman napapansin na bumubuo ka lagi ng bagong “ako” sa bawat pagkakataong mawawala ka, either ikaw lang ang makakaalam or iba lang ang makakapansin at ikaw ang walang kaalam-alam..at sa kada bagong “ako” eh may mabubuong ideya na hilig i-stereotype ng tao kaya nagiging mahirap kahit para satin na tanggapin yung “ako” na tayo mismo nagdesisyon na maging..
para sakin ganun yun, ewan ko lang sayo..
sana naman wala pang nasusuka sa mga nababasa nila..hihi..
nasa mood lang ako i-share ang isa sa mga milyong-milyong ideya na hindi ko ma-share sa mga taong kaharap ko..

bagyo kasi kaya siguro binabagyo rin utak ko..

Labels: blue thoughts

“Everyone is capable of making themselves happy, but happiness is somewhat very different when someone else does it for us..”

Just finished reading the last book of the Twilight Saga. Breaking Dawn..

It took me about a week all in all to read the 5 books..

Pinagtyagaan ko ang Twilight, Midnight Sun [partial draft], at New Moon sa e-book..tapos nakahiram na’ko ng book ng Eclipse at Breaking Dawn sa bestfriend kong si Nicole..whew.! [thanks bezZ.!]

darn..masakit na nga ulo ko..

para sa mga kapatid ko baliw na daw ako kakabasa..

si mama at si papa naman tuwang-tuwa dahil sa wakas eh wala na daw akong babasahin..[as if wala ng ibang libro sa earth..duhh]

ewan ko ba pero I find other parents happy kapag mahilig magbasa anak nila, my aunt’s and uncle’s are very happy at ginagawa pa nila akong good example sa mga pinsan ko kasi mahilig daw ako magbasa..

pero I find it really weird na sa bahay my parents doesn’t encourage reading that much and sa magkakapatid eh si Faye lang ang nakakasundo ko sa pagbabasa..

para kila mama kasi baka daw naapektuhan na studies at nawawalan na daw time sa bahay at hindi na daw alam priorities..duhh..as far as I know I’m not neglecting my duties at home..

sa mga kapatid ko naman eh they don’t find anything interesting in reading books, they prefer watching tv, texting, playing the guitar or using the kompooper kesa daw i-bore ang sarili nila sa pagbabasa tulad ko..

ako lang sa bahay ang mahilig basahin ang kung anu mang mababasa na interesante sa harap ko..

is that insanity? Is that something for them to be worried about? C’mon!

I just enjoy reading books specially fictional novels coz they divert my attention from unpleasant thoughts that keep on bugging me..nawawala ako sa realidad at least for a while..

Sa Twilight Saga eh na-enjoy ko masyado yung love story, yung wholesome romance at yung exciting twists ng story at role ng characters..ngayon lang ako nakabasa ng series..kadalasan eh yung isa-isa lang from a certain author like Paulo Coelho, Mitch Albom, Bob Ong, Og Mandino, etc. tapos yung inspirational books like Chicken Soup chuchu and basta mga inspirational..

Pag fiction kasi eh nalalagay ko yung sarili ko sa sitwasyon, sa wild ba naman ng imagination ko..hihi..

Sa inspirational naman eh wala lang, lessons to be learned na after ko basahin yung libro eh limot ko na rin naman lahat ng nalaman ko sa librong yun so kailangan ko ng mangilan-ngilang re-read para matandaan..haha.!

I find myself really absorbed into what I am reading, that’s why I enjoy reading a lot..
It makes me forget the real world..it makes me oddly happy..

Kailangan ko lang naman pasayahin ang sarili ko kasi malayo ako sa tanging bagay na nakakapagpasaya sakin in a very different way..yung tanging tao sa earth na nag-aabala para sumaya ang isang tulad ko or kahit di man mag-abala pa eh the mere presence is more than enough..

Weird..pero may mga taong ganyan na lang ang epekto sa’tin..nakakabano..nakakamiss..

Labels: nakita k0, RANTics RANTology

Why is the world so desperate in making me feel unwanted?


I can’t stop crying, I wanted to talk but I just can’t coz I got nobody to talk to.. i got NOBODY..


I can’t even start making coherent thoughts because of the genuine hatred I’ve never felt for a long time now..


I wanted to hurt them as much as I wanted to hurt myself..


I just need something to release whatever my senses wanted me to do..


I HATE MYSELF..because I can’t stop crying over some things, people, thoughts, which I don’t know if their even worth my time because I’m not even worth an inch of their system..

I wanted to run right now to release this anger I’m dwelling in..but I just can’t coz I have nowhere to go..NOWHERE to go..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The day started with my father shouting at us at about 8:15am..

“Parang mga anak ng gobernador!”, referring to us who are still in bed at that time.


He always regarded us as princesslike and lazy because of waking up late. WTH.?! What do you call the people of our age who wake up at lunchtime?


We, “anak ng gobernador” tend to all the chores at home are lazy and unproductive! Plainly hateful, I may say..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


We had breakfast, after that, he told me that I’ll be the one to cook the viand for lunch..then..he left..


I noticed that he already boiled the monggo but he didn’t give any further instructions after doing so..


Papa is the only one at home who knows how to cook..

Everybody else is clueless when it comes to kitchen work..


If not for Jan Love who just arrived from Lola’s house, I would be totally alien to what I was doing..


She instructed me to sauté this and slice that..

I got irritated by that time because whenever I ask questions, she’ll answer like a superior who knows everything about this planet and I’m one of her constituents who’s so stupid not to know how to slice a piece of meat for the sautéed monggo . I really felt like a total idiot when she talked to me.


She just learned how to cook that from Papa last year, now she’s talking to me like I was a moron messing up the kitchen..


Questions like:

How do I slice this meat? Thin or what?

Do I do the same to the onion? Mince it?

How much pepper?


I was just making sure what I was doing is right..I was just asking questions coz I really don’t know a thing. Would I ask if I already know what to do?! That’s why I’m asking, but it seems I’m forbidden to ask because she’s irritated by my simple questions that needs common sense..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COMMON SENSE..it is a familiar thought people get when they share the same ‘commons’..but the kitchen is not a ‘common’ to me..that’s why we don’t have the same ‘commons’ so she shouldn’t expect me to know what is common to her à Environmental Science and Philosophy combined

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


then Papa arrived from somewhere with so many things to complain, about the not –so-messy- house but a total catastrophe for Him [if you were there you can tell that nothing’s wrong, He just finds fault wherever He goes], the laundry [I just washed clothes yesterday, He wants it everyday I guess], everything..mostly my cooking..


I was ANGRY now, how could he complain that in the first place he never gave even a single instruction on what I need to do..im totally clueless on what I was about to cook then he left without warning.. He has no right to be fuming at me not knowing what to do..how could he?


He was ranting again..as usual..but it hit me hard when he mentioned again about school, books, computers and everything I’m busy about..


“Punong-puno na kasi ang utak mo kaka-computer at kaka-basa, kaya pinapa-delete ko sayo kung ano man ang andyan para may space pa para sa simpleng pagluluto!” he said mocking.

Rational in context, irrational in every sense..


How could he complain about my love for reading novels and using the computer to improve whatever skill I have for using so?


I wanted to shout back, “Buti nga ako hindi nagd-drugs! Wala akong bisyo! Alak at sigarilyo, wala! All I do is be productive with myself in everything I do!”


These are the things that totally distract me from this insignificant life of mine..


It is only when I’m doing this things I’m totally absorbed by the book or the simple commands in photoshop ..these are the things that occupy my mind wholly, leaving no room for things I’ve thought too much of..


Sorrow..pain..longing..emptiness..


“Buti na nga lang at hindi pa ako nagd-drugs o nagbibisyo sa dami ng pinoproblema ko ngayon!”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I always do the laundry, fold the clothes when dry, pick up things they used and left it without returning to its rightful places, took charge of my sisters, check if everything is in order, iron clothes at times, in short – I play my role at home..


What more?! Am I still a bad daughter after everything I’ve done that’s why I’m prohibited reading books or using the computer? Is it my fault that after tiring myself with the chores at home I still need to distract myself because it’s the only way to escape my solitude? Is it still my fault?


But instead of saying these things to him, I just kept quiet because I’ll never win over my father..he was always right, at least for himself..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I didn’t notice that almost ¼ of the ¼ kg of meat I was slicing was almost crushed, I didn’t notice that while I was listening to him and thinking over stuff I was already mincing the meat that was supposed to be cut in small pieces..

cut in small pieces, not grind them with my own hands..

good thing for him though, because I’m not with myself anymore, I may have stabbed him with the knife in my hands, thanks to the meat in front of me..


then..i started talking to no one..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I finished cooking..went to the living room and got the hoop to do some exercise on releasing my anger..i was half-relieved when I felt sweat coming out from every inch of me..it’s like literally releasing negative energy..


Then Jan Love started babbling about what she was doing, she was editing the missal for our friends wedding..


JL: Manay hindi namin magetz ni Mommy yung pag-bookfold..


M: so bale naka-2 columns lang yan?


JL: May ginawa na sana dun si Mommy kaso inisa-isa niya hindi ko kinopya kasi magulo, yung

dati pa rin yung kinopya ko..


M: Kaya pala ang tagal mong matapos yan kasi ang gulo..


JL: eh hinayaan niyo si Mish guluhin eh!


[ginulo kasi ni Mish(bunso) yung stack of papers kanina]


M: hindi yun ang tinutukoy ko! Yung format ng ginagawa mo..


JL:bakit ka kasi nakikialam eh hindi ka naman nakakatulong?!


M: bakit kasi hindi kayo magpatulong sa marunong?


JL: Wala ka naman kasing alam bakit ka salita ng salita diyan?! Ipapaedit na lang namin ‘to ulit

kay Sir Dennis..


M: Eh yun naman pala eh, hindi mo naman yun sinabi agad so I just suggested!


JL: hindi ka nakakatulong okei?!!


M: Puta! Kahapon ka pa ah!


JL: kahapon ka pa rin! Nagumpisa ka lang maging ganyan dahil sa sinabi kong hindi mo matanggap!


M: eh sino naman kasi tatanggap nun eh wala ka namang alam!


JL: kung ayaw mo mapagsabihan eh di wag ka magkwento! Namimili ka lang kasi ng gusto mong pakinggan sa mga sinasabi ko!


M: you have no right to tell me anything kasi hindi ka naman nakikinig! Kelan man hindi mo ginustong makinig! You don’t have any right!


JL:fine! Di wag ka magkwento para wala kang marinig sakin, tao lang ako, may limitasyon, Diyos lang hindi maiiskandalo sa mga pinaggagagawa mo!


M: kaya nga eh tao ka lang! wala kang karapatan i-judge ako in any way!


JL: wag ka ng magkwento kung ayaw mong makarinig ng kahit ano!


M: fine.! Never.!


JL: [murmured something incomprehensible]


M: TUMIGIL KA NA.!


Then from there I locked myself in our room and started crying..


You may not get the point in our fight but it was really about me yesterday, talking about the status of my complicated lovelife to her like she always does to me.


I got offended when I found her not listening to me because she was texting Eric [her boyfriend] and she really isn’t interested to what I was talking about so she started offending me so that I’d stop talking to her.


She didn’t notice that she hurt my feelings that much so she was surprised when I started to ignore her, so, she ignored me as well to get even I guess..


I’m not that expressive, I dunno how to explain any further, bottomline..


WE QUARELLED..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


People I get to deal with everyday are like this so NO ONE COULD EVER BLAME ME why I find it so hard to let go of the only person who treats me as if im the only significant thing in her life..next to God she’s the ONLY person I know who loves me genuinely whoever I was before, who I am now and whoever I will be tomorrow..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


i wanna go HOME..

Labels: RANTics RANTology

"And I miss you more every time I think about you" @ 12:51 PM

I feel so down..

Just like literally being chest flat on the floor left with nothing to do with myself..

Or in a exaggerated way..it feels like I’m buried alive..the soil is unexplainably translucent and I’m just staring with nothingness on the flies fluttering above me waiting for me to rot which is impossible because in a few days I’ll be out of this grave just like a resurrecting constipated cat..

I’m bored..stupid me..

Coz I made a quote that goes, “Life is so boring for those who bore themselves.”

In so many ways, im definitely NOT boring MYSELF..

I have tons to do..

Every morning..The routinely sweeping the floor and picking up stuff that made anything in our house messy takes about an hour in my everyday..

With seven of us taking a bath daily, the laundry is always in a mountainous pile..

After they dried under the sun or in the balmy wind, I would be the one to fold them..

Mish is always like an electrified cockroach flying, running, tossing, dancing inside our room which keeps me shouting at her untiringly..

Holy week means it’s a busy week at church..

Preparations for the Paschal Triduum is a tedious task..you wouldn’t understand even if I’ll give my best to explain anyway..so never mind..let’s just say it’s physically, emotionally, socially and mentally stressing, add up the extravagant expenses..whew.! but it’s all WORTH IT in the end..been doing these for five years, proven and tested..

BUT..DESPITE THESE SO MUCH TO DO..

Idle moments seems to be terribly long..

I don’t understand why..i still have free time..

And I spend them..

Reading e-books of the Twilight series..

Reading magazines..

Trying hard to learn Photoshop..

Even harder when it comes to DOTA..

Edit the names in my phonebook..

Sketch cats..

Write in my planner..

Stare at the blank wall and sing to whatever Syg is playing..

Eat anything that suits me in the fridge..

Etcetera..

Nothing productive so far..

I don’t want any second unoccupied because it just drifts my thought abruptly to the one I’m missing so much who I hope misses me insanely as much...

It kinda makes me wanna cry everytime I’ll remember that she’s miles away..i hate it..

It makes me anxious ..much more paranoid..

The distance we have right now makes me realize how the once independent me became very dependent to her..

In everything I do I long for her..i couldn’t even put it into words..you couldn’t even imagine it if ever I did..

Batman without Robin..

Superman without Kryptonite..

Spiderman without MJ..

Tom without Jerry..

Spongebob without Patrick..

Hello Kitty without Dear Daniel..

Minnie without Mickey…

Will without the Heart of Kandrakar…

Shrek without Fiona..

Pooh without Piglet..

Tweety without Sylvester..

Bugs Bunny without a carrot..

Pancit without sahog..

Spaghetti without hotdog and meatballs..

Salad without mayo..

Halo-halo without ice..
Baked Ziti without cheese..

Chocolate Chip cookie without chocolate chips..

Pesto pasta without spinach..

Pastel without the yema filling..

Playing DOTA without buying items..

All those matches combined..

It’s just like the feeling of ME without HER..much worse even..

Weakness hovers over me as I dwell on my loneliness..

I’ve managed to cut anything romantic we had, but to cut what’s left with us now, to be away from her for a very long time, to miss her like a vampire that thirsts human blood for over 7 decades.. that’s too much..

As what Edward said in Twilight, “I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you..”

"And I miss you more every time I think about you" @ 12:51 PM

I feel so down..

Just like literally being chest flat on the floor left with nothing to do with myself..

Or in a exaggerated way..it feels like I’m buried alive..the soil is unexplainably translucent and I’m just staring with nothingness on the flies fluttering above me waiting for me to rot which is impossible because in a few days I’ll be out of this grave just like a resurrecting constipated cat..

I’m bored..stupid me..

Coz I made a quote that goes, “Life is so boring for those who bore themselves.”

In so many ways, im definitely NOT boring MYSELF..

I have tons to do..

Every morning..The routinely sweeping the floor and picking up stuff that made anything in our house messy takes about an hour in my everyday..

With seven of us taking a bath daily, the laundry is always in a mountainous pile..

After they dried under the sun or in the balmy wind, I would be the one to fold them..

Mish is always like an electrified cockroach flying, running, tossing, dancing inside our room which keeps me shouting at her untiringly..

Holy week means it’s a busy week at church..

Preparations for the Paschal Triduum is a tedious task..you wouldn’t understand even if I’ll give my best to explain anyway..so never mind..let’s just say it’s physically, emotionally, socially and mentally stressing, add up the extravagant expenses..whew.! but it’s all WORTH IT in the end..been doing these for five years, proven and tested..

BUT..DESPITE THESE SO MUCH TO DO..

Idle moments seems to be terribly long..

I don’t understand why..i still have free time..

And I spend them..

Reading e-books of the Twilight series..

Reading magazines..

Trying hard to learn Photoshop..

Even harder when it comes to DOTA..

Edit the names in my phonebook..

Sketch cats..

Write in my planner..

Stare at the blank wall and sing to whatever Syg is playing..

Eat anything that suits me in the fridge..

Etcetera..

Nothing productive so far..

I don’t want any second unoccupied because it just drifts my thought abruptly to the one I’m missing so much who I hope misses me insanely as much...

It kinda makes me wanna cry everytime I’ll remember that she’s miles away..i hate it..

It makes me anxious ..much more paranoid..

The distance we have right now makes me realize how the once independent me became very dependent to her..

In everything I do I long for her..i couldn’t even put it into words..you couldn’t even imagine it if ever I did..

Batman without Robin..

Superman without Kryptonite..

Spiderman without MJ..

Tom without Jerry..

Spongebob without Patrick..

Hello Kitty without Dear Daniel..

Minnie without Mickey…

Will without the Heart of Kandrakar…

Shrek without Fiona..

Pooh without Piglet..

Tweety without Sylvester..

Bugs Bunny without a carrot..

Pancit without sahog..

Spaghetti without hotdog and meatballs..

Salad without mayo..

Halo-halo without ice..
Baked Ziti without cheese..

Chocolate Chip cookie without chocolate chips..

Pesto pasta without spinach..

Pastel without the yema filling..

Playing DOTA without buying items..

All those matches combined..

It’s just like the feeling of ME without HER..much worse even..

Weakness hovers over me as I dwell on my loneliness..

I’ve managed to cut anything romantic we had, but to cut what’s left with us now, to be away from her for a very long time, to miss her like a vampire that thirsts human blood for over 7 decades.. that’s too much..

As what Edward said in Twilight, “I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you..”

Labels: nakita k0

para sakin..ito na siguro ang pinaka hindi ko pinag-isipan na blog..hai..

bakasyon ko na..so what.?

nasa Ligao na ako..so what.?

namimiss ko na siya..so what.?

hindi ako lumalabas ng bahay except pag-gabi na pupunta ng church or ngayong gabi na lumabas kami ng kapatid ko para mag-net..so what.?

hai..ewan..gusto ko ng bumalik ng Naga..
kaso April 13, 2009 pa ang pinakahihintay kong araw na may valid reason akong bumalik dun..

ayos na rin kami ni Nakita ngayon..well.,i'd like to think so..

i think.,'moving on' is not the term..

i dunno..kahit magkasalungat pa rin naman ang pananaw namin.,kahit nag-iiyakan pa rin kami everytime na may hindi pinagkakasunduan eh hindi ko alam kung pano ko nasasabing OKEI NA KAMI..

siguro kasi ineenjoy na lang namin ang mga panahon na magkasama kami..that's it..

though hindi kasing saya ng dati pero iba naman kasi yung happiness na meron kami ngayon..
friendly.? i think not..siguro in time we'll just learn how to..
hindi ko rin naman inaasahan na ngayon na yun..i just hope na maitama na talaga namin 'tong sitwasyon..

2 weeks and 4 days kaming di magkikita..
nakatakas ako sa kanya..nakatakas din siya sakin..
the term 'takas' fits.. i dunno why..
hindi naman sa tinatakasan namin ang isa't-isa..
i would just like to think na makakatulong yung mahabang panahon na yun para makontrol ang mga sarili namin at makapagisip-isip sa buhay..ewan..

i miss her badly..

hai..kelan kaya ulit ako makakapag-blog..

im flat broke..so what.?

rawr..sana magsiuwian na ang AstigerZ para may umaabala naman sa napaka-stagnant kong buhay..

wala na akong ibang ginawa kindi maglaro sa laptop..maglaba..magsoundtrip..matulog at kumain..

sana bukas mamalayan ko April 13 na..gusto ko na siya makita..

Labels: nakita k0, RANTics RANTology