you can see them in the steep roads while climbing Mount mayon..

you can see them while at Kennon Road or at Marcos Highway during a trip to Baguio..

you can see them at Quirino Highway or some long curving roads at Quezon Province while traveling to Manila..

im talking about the same scene you can see on crossing near Shangrila Mall in Shaw Boulevard..

you can see them near churches or big establishments where there are lots of people passin by..

its not the pavement or the plants or the surroundings im talking about..

they are the ones shaking boxes or tin cans for their living..

they seem to be empty, frail, unconscious, innocent,..innocent children running, shouting, begging..begging for some penny for food or food for strength to gather more pennies the next day..

begging..are they not gettin tired of their everyday routine of bringing up their cans, showing their innocent looks, making people feel how desperate they are to have something to put into their mouths.?

for me..they look not tired..or maybe they're tired or fed up already but they still have that priceless smiles on their faces when someone had the heart to give them some leftovers or some worthless pennies given to them as change..

they are not tired even if they are just gettin less than some of what i have..

yet me who gets most of what they don't have is on the edge of giving up everything even my sanity because of some petty failures life is giving me..

i need not beg for love because my family, friends and God has already provided me more than what i'm asking for..

i need not beg for intelligence coz i believe that what i have now is enough for me to understand things and i believe that wisdom forms and matures while we live ..

i need not beg for talent coz i'm endowed with useful stuff i can share to others..

i need not beg for romantic love coz life is giving me more than much to choose from and i think i've chosen the best for the moment..for the moment that i want to turn into a lifetime..

i need not to shake a tin can or a box for some penny coz my family and relatives gets us through our every need..

im not empty, frail, unconscious, innocent..
im not running, shouting, begging..begging for some penny for food or food for strength to gather more pennies the next day..

i need not..

i don't need..

i don't need to do these things yet why am i so tired of everything.?

i don't need..yet i wish i had to beg for some coz maybe wishin or begging for some shows the real essense of wanting or needing something..

but..why do i have to beg or wish for something i musn't wish or beg for coz it's just there and in one way or another always there.?

why this.?

why not talent.?

why not intelligence.?

why not money.?

why not the world.?

why not love.?

why life.?

Labels: blue thoughts

gabing malamig..

puso ko'y nagngingitngit..

nananaghoy..

bumubulong sa hangin..

nawa'y dalhin nito sayo ang aking mga luha ng pangungulila,

upang iyong mapawi,

ang dalamhati ng mga labing tigang na sa init ng iyong mga halik..

Labels: nakita k0

kaweirduhan

i don’t have super powers..

hindi ako kasama sa power rangers, powerpuff girls, totally spies..

hindi ako si Belldandy, Wonder woman, Darna, Storm at Dyosa sa tv..

pero di ko magetz kung pano ko nagagawang paulanin kapag nalulungkot ako at napapatigil ito kapag ayoko na talaga..

nakakaweirdo..

minsan naman kapag nalulungkot na ako hindi ko napapansin na umaambon na pala..

pag galit naman ako eh parang nagwawala ang langit at tipong may bagyong paparating na wala sa weather forecast..

all i have to do is wish for it..

well, as far as i know, ito lang ang wish kong natutupad..

baka talent ‘to.? di kaya.? ano.? haha.!
chaka.!

o baka nagkakataon lang talaga kasi hindi naman siya lagi nangyayari pero kung tatanungin moko eh madalas mangyari..

medyo creepy sa pakiramdam pero true..

alam mu rin bang lumiliit ang left eye ko tuwing full moon..

ewan ko..

sabi ng magulang at tita ko, bata or baby pa raw ako eh napapansin na nila un..

sabi ko naman eh hindi naman talaga pantay ang mata ng tao..

sabi naman nila eh mas lumiliit daw yung akin kapag kabilugan ng buwan..

pananakot ba ito.?

kahit ako hindi ko alam eh..kung tatanungin mo ulit ako eh hindi naman siya lagging nangyayari..madalas lang..

don’t worry..hindi pa naman ako nangangagat o nagpapalipad ng tao sa pamamagitan ng utak..

pagiging invisible kaya ang gusto ko..haha.!

Labels : blue thoughts…kalokohan_mode

ang gasgas ng “EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED” ang theme ng araw na’to..

WARNING: NOBELA ito,BORING

12am..
..greetings came in..


3:15am..
..i was woken up by my board mates’ irritating voices singing the ever gasgas happy birthday..
i found out na barado ilong k0..rawr.! nice..i have colds..
then they told me that i would be the first one to take a bath to try the chilling water for them..
rawr..what a nice gift..what a nice way to start my day..haha.!


4:30am..
..went to the University Church to attend the “Misa de Gallo” [which i just knew that day] means ‘mass of the roosters’..

a li’l bit of trivia taken from the homily of the priest during the mass:
it is called ‘mass of the roosters because it is a mass for early risers like the farmers, fishermen, vendors and the like..
dawn masses during December 16 -24 in the provinces are midnight masses in Manila..
the schedule was just changed for the provinces because the workers i’ve mentioned earlier are not able to attend the midnight mass because they are already dead tired by that time because of the whole day’s work..if they would go to church at dawn, it would be much fit to their schedules because they are early risers, and it would be much nicer to start your day with Bossing..

..during the mass i was so bothered because i was inside and Naxcz was outside because she was kinda 30 mins late, just in time for the gospel.,haha.! toinx.!

..i went out after the homily and saw her with what i thought a missal [guide booklet during mass]..she said hawakan ko daw..of course i’m curious, i tried to open it but before i could, i was distracted because she lend me her jacket.,well..i have terrible colds that time..we argued again on who’ll use the jacket.,pinagbigyan k0 na..burtdei k0 naman eh..haha.!

..we have this tendency to fight over petty things that doesn’t really deserve our efforts to talk.,well..we just love fighting each other i guess..haha.!

..i finally opened the booklet…it was entitled “Curbside Sonnets”..it was a book of poems made by Naxcz Jacutan for her precious Christmas Pearl..[i was really speechless and at the brink of breaking down to tears that time] but i managed to hold it ‘til i finally got inside my room at the boarding house..the moment i started reading the first poem “be there” i didn’t stop for more than an hour reading ‘til the last poem “Kun Ako Minataram”..

..there are 24 poems in English, tagalog, and bicol but my favorite was written in the last part of the foreword..


9:00am..
..i shared my box of éclairs, barnuts, mallows and chocolates to CC11..i really didn’t know where it came from..it was given to me by an unknown girl that told me that someone wanted me to have it..the dedication on the card says: [Happy 18th birthday!] nothing more nothing less..

..eniwei, whoever gave it..THANK YOU..sumakit ngipin ng blockmates [mga pungit] k0..haha.!


11:00am..
..me, Kate and Naxcz had lunch together..jenn wasn’t there kasi wala siyang pasok pag umaga during TTH..ampf..

..everything seemed to be very boring and gloomy but still i tried to enjoy every minute of it even though there’s nothing to be excited or happy about..

..i had tons of greetings from familiar and even unfamiliar faces..messages flooded my inbox making me remember how LEGAL 18 is..haha.!


1:30pm..
..i had my class in Filipino..nothing exciting..no one knows..kuya grey was absent..naxcz also has a class in college algebra..we were just instructed by Mam Autor to read a lengthy article about pollution..one and a half hours..boredome..


3:00pm..
..went to the boarding house and took a shower..i felt really hot..feverish maybe..


4:00pm..
..went back to the Pillars office, no one was there, everybody was busy because it was presswork..

..went to CC for the “Pasko sa Covered Court” with Piwi..watched my classmates perform for the Christmas Carol chuchu specially Jenn, Nikko and Yo..Naxcz told me she won’t be there for a while because she had to come with her mama to the hospital for therapy..she’ll be back by 4:30..okei..boring again..

4:30pm…
5:30pm..
6:30pm..
..ni shadow ni Nakita wala..huhu..

..everybody was worried because it’s obvious that i’m not enjoying anything happening..

..i know..i can feel my blockmates giving their damn best to entertain me or at least make me feel fine..

..sorry if everything seemed to have no effect on me..well, alam naman kasi nila kung ano ang effective sakin sa mga panahong ‘yun but they seemed to be clueless on where to find it..

..Kate and Jenn decided that we go back to the office..everybody was busy..
..they were tryin’ to comfort me..then they had a misunderstanding..

Jenn : hay naku Nagj! walang excitement! bakit naman kasi presswork ngayon?at bakit ngayon pa nila naisipang mag-interview?!!

[she was talking about the Pillars]
ME : anu ka ba jenn? ayos lang yun..namindset ko na naman kung anong mangyayari sa araw na’to eh..don’t worry..i’m fine..

Jenn : hay naku..pag kay Kate talaga bongga!

Kate : i hate you Gang! ulitin mo nga sinabi mo..

Jenn : sorry Gang..sorry na Gang..

..i was confused..i was worried..what the heck is happening on my birthday??!!

..i tried to comfort Kate..she can’t be stopped crying over what Jenn has said..

..we went to the University Church..i prayed that the rain would stop kasi emo naman na burtdei mo tapos umuulan..duhhh..Naxcz also told me to pray for it..dunno why..

..after a few moments..wala ng ulan..haha.! ang lakas ko kay Boss!



BURTDEI PART I

7:00pm..
..we went back to the office..busy pa rin lahat

..i decided to talk to Chief [si kuya mama manong guard ng 2nd floor,Xavier Hall] wala lang..wala nanaman kasi akong magawa..

..then next thing i noticed..everything was dark..nilagyan na ak0 ng blindfold ni Kuya Fuy .![managing editor] haun na un! after maybe 5mins of waiting in the dark [wo0h! emo!] akala ko pwede ng tanggalin..at hayan tinaggal ko nga yung blindfold..

..si Nagie na ang pinakamalaking tanga sa Earth! hindi pa pala pwedeng tanggalin..at feel na feel ko yung disappointment nila ng sinabi nilang “Boring..” shame..shame..yan na nga yata title ng blog na’to..”Boring…”

..akala nila naiyak ako sa surprise na lahat sila may hawak ng red roses..honestly, ang iniiyakan ko eh yung katangahan k0 at yung feeling na may inaasahan kang makita sa pagtanggal mo ng blindfold..pero..wala siya..

..one by one they gave me the roses..lahat ng editors..staff at apprentices..pati SSG President,si [beer_duhh_dear_oh my love] Kuya Verdz na alam ng lahat na crush ko..huling nagbigay ng roses eh si Kuya Grey..ang bet ng lahat para sakin..creepy clones lang naman kami..no more no less..some people are just plainly pushy..

..nakain na naming yung cake at pizza and everything pero wala pa rin yung gusto kong makita..

..actually, kanina pa sila text ng text ni John na naiwan daw yung wallet ni Naxcz sa boarding house ni John and Naxcz badly needs it and i’ll be the one to get it for her..

8:15pm
..okey..nagkaroon ng sobrang daming confusion kung sino ang susundin ko..but it all ended up na hinatid na ako nila Jenn, Kate at Ekai sa boarding house ni John coz i forgot how to get there..


BURTDEI PART II..

..sinamahan nila ako hanggang sa second floor pero wala dun si John..sabi nila malamang daw eh tumatambay sa rooftop..well, malamang nga kasi dun naman kami madalas tumambay kasi masarap magpahangin..

..hindi na sila sumama sa rooftop kasi it won’t take too long for me daw na kunin yung wallet ni Naxcz..

..bakit pa kasi ako yung nautusan ng babaeng yun eh ang dilim dilim pa naman paakyat dun..

..inalalayan na ako ni John pag-akyat..

..lights-off ang drama..at pagkaakyat ko eh yung kanta ng Secondhand Serenade na “Vulnerable” ang tumutugtog..

..lights-on naman ang drama....may pop-up tent na panay tali sa paligid sa gitna ng rooftop..lumabas sa tent yung kanina ko pa hinahanap sa CC,UC at office..

..i don’t wanna be speechless at that moment kasi baka matuloy yung iiiyak ko sa sobrang pagka-gulantang.. “Wow! tent na may sungay!”, i blurted out..alam ko napaka non-sense but at least may sinabi ako keysa naman mag-dying ako dun..haha.!

8:30pm..
..marami pang ibang nangyari kasi may mga extra sa main scene ng pelikula..haha.!

..pumasok na kami sa tent..at hayun..hayun..kumain na kami ng niluto niyang carbonara at mashed potato tapos yung binili nyang barbecue..yum.yum.yum.! sige maglaway kayo..

..first time kong may nagluto para sakin..first time kong nagkaroon ng ganitong surprise..

..soooo romantic..ng biglang humangin ng malakas at tinanong ko siya: “Lilipad na ba tayo?”
haha.! nagpakabusog kami sa pagkaing inihanda niya para samin at sa isa’t-isa..^~,
10:55pm..
..before we went down the stairs, she gave me a ring..engagement ring daw..while saying “wear this ring as a sign of my love..” yun lang..haha.!

..mga 11:30pm na ako nakauwi nun..masasabi kong lampas tenga yung ngiti ko pag-uwi at alam ko i had the same smile on my face hanggang sa pagising ko next morning..

12:00am..
.. i can tell that this is my most wonderful birthday so far..^^,



BURTDEI PART III [December 17, 2008]

..pag-uwi ko ng Ligao ng Wednesday eh i was kinda late for Church kaya din a ako masyado nang-usisa sa bahay..pero nagtaka ako ng Makita ko si Lolo at Lola sa kusina kasi hindi naman sila taga-dun and everything..tinanong ko si Love na busy sa paggawa ng plate [arki kasi siya], ang sabi niya lang eh ipinagluluto nun si Ria at Faye kasi Christmas party nila kinaumagahan..


7:30pm..
..i went to Church with Ate Meg..

9:00pm..
..Lola Linggay distributed some food coz it’s her birthday..
..Kuya Jun made some announcements..
..we went home..

..then i was kinda surprised when i saw some brothers in the community going with me to our house..i didn’t bother much coz i’m used to being accompanied home by some..

..lights-off nanaman ang drama..

..upon entering our house [lights-on] i was surprised by the giant poster made by Love which reads [“Happy 18th Birthday Manai”], booming birthday greetings by my relatives and community members..i didn’t know that they prepared a simple and neat agape for me..

..awww..another surprise..i also had a cake..wo0h.!

..i had a small appetite though coz seeing everybody there celebrating with me was enough..their happiness and love for me was worth digesting..


…..days before, i’ve already expected my birthday to be a disaster or not actually a disaster but just another ordinary day..or so i thought..coz Mama already talked to me that they don’t have money for a celebration..i understood them..it was okei with me..well, for me, my happiness or my birthday doesn’t depend solely on money..i can celebrate even though i don’t have cash to waste..

..this only proves that i was right..

..this only proves that it’s not money that matters..

..it’s the people around me that puts the effort to make me happy that matters most..

..well, much has been said,
..this day only proves my theory that my birthday gets more exciting every year..^~,

Labels: blue thoughts, eighteen, nakita k0

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alam mo bang marami kang hindi pa alam.?

alam mo bang kapag sinasabi k0ng mukha kang pusa eh nakukyutan ak0 sayo.?

alam mo bang kapag hinahawakan mo ang kamay k0 nakakalimutan ko na nasa earth pala tayo.?

alam mo bang kapag hinahatid m0ko eh parang ayoko ng pumasok sa gate at sumama na lang sayo papuntang Arana.?

alam mo bang paulit ulit k0ng binabasa ang blog mo at messages mo sa cellphone ko, lalo na kapag hindi tayo nagkikita kasi pakiramdam k0 ay kausap lang kita habang binabasa ko’to.?

alam m0 bang kapag nasa byahe ak0 pauwi samin ay wala na ak0ng ibang tinitigan kundi ang cellphone k0 na ang wallpaper eh ang picture nating dalawa.?

alam mo bang kapag tinititigan mok0 eh di k0 pinapahalatang nahuhuli kita minsan kasi kinikilig ak0.?

alam mo bang araw araw ak0ng hindi natutul0g hangga't hindi pa 11:30pm kakahintay sa goodnight message m0,kasi pakiramdam k0 yun ang isa sa mga pamamaraan m0ng kumpletuhin ang araw k0.?

alam mo bang tuwang-tuwa ako kapag nagrereklamo ka sa kung anong bagay at dumadaldal ka tungkol sa kahit ano sa buhay mo, buhay ng ibang tao, at buhay natin.? wala lang, dito k0 kasi nalalaman kung komportable na sakin ang isang tao at kung pinagkakatiwalaan ba ako nito..

alam mo bang tuwing ihahatid moko sa terminal ay gustong-gusto na kitang isama sa Ligao para hindi na kita namimiss to the highest level ng pagkamiss.?

alam mo bang inis na inis ako kapag nababanggit si rani [kahit pa ako ang madalas magbanggit] or nakokonek siya sa kahit anong gawin natin kasi takot akong di mapantayan yung kung anong meron kayo noon.?

alam mo bang sa mga gabing nauunahan mo akong mapansin si mr. moon ay ibig sabihin abala ako sa pagtitig sayo o pagdama sa kamay mo kaya di ko siya napansin.?



alam mo bang lagi akong nakatitig sayo kapag magkatabi tayo sa classroom, wala lang natutuwa lang ak0ng panoorin kang nakikinig kay Sir toots o kaya kay Mam Consulta o kaya’y mainis kay Arl..haha.!?

alam m0 bang kapag yinayakap mok0 eh wala ng mas komportable pang p0sisyon sa buong mundo kundi sa mga braso at balikat m0.?

alam m0 bang kapag hinahalikan mok0 eh nawawala ak0 sa sarili, nanghihina at natatagpuan k0 na lang ang sarili na nahuhul0g pa lalo sayo.?

alam mo bang dapat alam m0 ang lahat ng 'to.?
kasi naman mahal na mahal kita..
sana naman ngayon alam m0 na diba..

Labels: nakita k0

just wanna share my reflection paper in NSTP about the story Hope for the Flowers..

“Are you willing to lose everything for the thing you are dying to have?” This was the question that is annoyingly repeated by my brain during the whole discussion. “Am I supposed to be happy when all I ever wanted comes with a price”, as one song goes. We all want something in life or I may say we all want everything good that life has to offer. But we must take into consideration the things we are ready to GIVE UP because of the things we ought to FIGHT FOR. God doesn’t give you everything you want, He just provides you with the things you need, therefore if you want something badly and you got it be ready that something of the equal value will be lost, turning the table around, when you lost something really important to you He will replace it with something of the equal value and or knows even MORE than that. In nothingness…God gives us everything…


We may have all the best things in life or we may have the worst things in life. Yet we always get tired of everything. At some point in our lives we get tired and we don’t even know why. And because we’re tired, we’re always looking for something new, for something better, for greater things, for excitement, but we never know that the things that means most to us or the best things in life are just AROUND. We just don’t see them or we just don’t want to see them.
There are lots of ‘yellow’ that comes into our lives and teaches us lessons and opens our eyes to the things we must really see, but most of the time we tend to ignore them because we are more focused on our personal goals than the importance of what they are telling us. We are just concerned of our own happiness not knowing that we are the happiness of another.


Life is SHORT. Indeed it is, yet the time given to us is enough for us to learn and enjoy everything in it. God has His plan and all we need to do is go with the flow, take where the current takes you, and from where you fell and where you got up all you need to do is LEARN. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve done wrong, as the church says, we are entitled for our sins, but it also doesn’t mean that it is okay to sin, it could be forgivable for the first time, yet when you already know what’s wrong, though it is the most complicated part, for me that’s the time to STOP and think about it, LOOK how you’ve affected others around you and LISTEN to what your conscience has to say.

Labels: blue thoughts